The Nine Things We actually Want For Mother’s Day

Mothers Day, the one day of the year devoted to us… MOTHERS. So what do us mothers really want? It’s honestly not the sun moon and stars, we,ve gone past the stage of having “notions”  (wiping numerous asses and snotty noses every day will do that to you)   here’s run down of what we really want (really really want) this mother’s day.

 A lie in..

Sleep is gold dust, it’s the highest currency in “mother land” look at us.. we are fecking wrecked.. we walk into rooms and forget why we are there. where’s our keys? where’s our purse.. because we are finding everyone else’s crap for them, we are constantly losing our own.  please  just let us sleep,

Some alone time,

I’m not talking about a day of pampering or a seaweed bath, Its the little things like about being able to have a pee or crap alone, so this mothers day we just want to lock the bathroom door and do our business, with no little eyes watching asking, did you do a wee or a poo mammy?

 An empty washing basket,

ok I know this is a pretty impossible task, I’ve been trying to empty it for years. So here’s an idea.. just throw the whole washing basket out and buy a new one.  I don’t even know whats in the bottom of mine, so we won’t miss it I swear.

 Answer the phone!

Why can’t I answer the phone without world war three breaking out? The bathroom is the only quite phone zone. Sure while I’m there I might as well have cheeky pee, (cease the moment) That little tinkle you’ve been hearing on the other end of the phone isn’t the tap, (a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!)

 My own food,

We all get the same food !! The same dinner for everyone,  so why do you guys just want the food that’s on my plate? We can even swap plates !  I,ll eat from the plastic peppa pig plate, I don’t care as long as I get my dinner all to myself.  I don’t want to see your small chubby hands swiping the chicken I’ve saved for last “eat your own fecking chicken” you just said you were full!  Think of me as joey from friends  “MAMMY DOESNT SHARE FOOD”

A cup of tea in peace

When I sit down with a hot cup of tea, why is the hot tea area suddenly the play area?  It,s like a moth to a flame!  For one day PLEASE stop hovering around my tea!!!

 Pick up after yourselves

Put the god dam lego away.. it hurts when we stand on it!

A nice treat

And make it liquid  (no need to look at the quality, the percent is key, 12 or above)

You guys

So don’t be giving me too much alone time. True, you’re a pack of hyenas – but you’re my hyenas!  I’d only  miss you, so don’t go locking me in the bathroom for the day.

A homemade card, a big squishy hug and kiss. That’s it (with all of the above.)

The perfect mother’s day

Not asking for much …

This was first published on the M word here 

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